Any Day Now

How long how long how long
Will we take to come undone
If you know the answer tell me now
And I'll write up the calendar for our count down
Cause what if what we see is all
Is all we've got

Say you've kept some fire aside
To save the night
Give me some suprising night
And say you've locked some fire away
To share tonight
For some surprising day
Anyday now

How come how come how come
I'm now on a road holding out my thumb
If you know my destination please
Well find me the fastest car
And throw me the keys
Cause what if what we see is all
Is all we've got

Say you've kept some fire aside
To save the night
Give me some suprising night
And say you've locked some fire away
To share tonight
For some surprising day
Anyday now

Cause finger by finger we are loosing grasp
And I am questioning the reasons why something beautiful don't last

Say you've kept some fire aside
To save the night
Give me some suprising night
And say you've locked some fire away
To share tonight
For some surprising day
Anyday now


A very fitting song. I can relate these lyrics to a lot in my life right now. What do I do about the uncertainty that keeps me on my toes? Why is it scary? Why do I doubt? Why must I judge and determine if something is good or bad? Sometimes my being timid kills me, literally. Although I wholeheartdly believe that things fall into place, not cause they are predetermined but because I am given options and I am my own master piece and step by step, experience by experience I become more and more. Unique but with common desires, dreams, and hopes.

When I see something that is true, but I know that things, with time change, what do I do? I try not to put expectation in a situation. The only expectation that I have put on myself is honesty. Honest with myself and with others. Is it wrong that things change? How do I let things go? Do I feed the swirling mess before me with more? This seesawing is like having a vision of what is and what could be. Not everyone has the ability, or maybe they don't want to believe it. I cannot let things go. I don't want to.

There are things that I know. If I don't speak it or ask for it, would it still be, would it still exsit? I want to be consumed, I want to express, I want to be wild and free, free from the unwritten expectations and demands that I put on myself. Sometimes I don't understand why I am here with all this, in this world. Why I am in the military, when I look at it from all the angles it conflicts with me more than it doesn't. How does that happen?

I don't know what to think about when someone says I am not using my potential...I am putting myself in my own personal prison. When this person barely knows me. Does that mean that there is a connection, a real, a deep connection? What do I go with? My instincts, they are all I know. How is it that I have come across all that I love and want, but often still deny and ignore it. It comes to me in pieces and I am trying to find a way to put it all together, make sense of it, and keep it that way. Am I strong enough for it? Am I scared cause there is no tried and true outcome? I could fail. The relationship could fail. Would I be mature enough to look at it and accept its limitations, would the other person. Do they feel the same potential in themselves as I do in myself? Do they see the potential in me?

It is exciting and devistation all in one. Amazing and frightning all the same. I want honesty for myself and for me to be honest with what my instincts are telling me. What made me stop believing? Why am I attracted or distracted?