Frustration, Motivation and Inspiration

Up until now I feel like I have been seeking inspiration for fulfillment. I have been motivated by people being dependent on me. Has that made me a better person? Is this change good, bad or usual? Is it right? I have never felt so lonely and empty. Is it because of my lack of inspiration? Cause I am a girl? I am seeking something I just don't quite know what it is. Am I too sensitive for this kind of work. Has it hardened my spirit? Do I need this to prepare for something to come. When is enough, enough? I have a lot of admiration for many, want to see all at their best, at their prime. I want to be understood, I need to be cared for. How is it that I can recognize when things are not compatible but I allow things to remain the same? Something better than nothing? Do others experience this chaotic thought too? How do they deal with it? Am I experiencing it only cause I am a puzzle piece that isn't in the right spot, I am forced in a spot that doesn't quite fit? How have I put myself here? Why? I really believe people, most people don't understand, cause if they did I would think there would be more harmony. This morning I woke up realizing that I have no personal inspirational goal. My goals are predetermined and set for me. So it got me wondering, what the hell am I doing here. Why should I care if they don't care. What am I getting out of it? I feel like I have worked so hard for what? The Navy does not inspire me, people and surviving adversity inspire me. I believe it is the only thing that has kept me going this far.
It is ironic, cause all my complaining and discontent are here in my writing. I rarely vocalize it, cause I don't want to seem like complainer, a cry baby. I think so many others are suffering too.

Empty but full to the brim
Full of nothing
Hungry for satisfaction
Fulfillment, dreaming, and understanding
Gripping tightly to something
That isn't there
Speaking softly and gasping for air
I whisper I need help
Cause I don't want to seem weak
As we make contact my mind is screaming
Can you see it in my eyes
Can you feel it in my words
I need the strength, a beacon of hope
Have I disfigured myself
So much for so long
That I don't even recognize
Myself any longer?