Scott and I

We talked about why we aren't or didn't work. He asked if this is something that I might regret. The relationship, and then later on down the road, would I regret that I ended it. I said no, cause I made the decision I made based on what I had then, and that is all I can do, right? I have no regrets about the relationship that was, cause it put me here, who I am now. I asked him the same thing, and he said yes a little. His mindset was that this was it, there was no calling it quits. He even mentioned that he thought our views on marriage and divorce were different. I definitely agree. I understand the institution of marriage, but it is only as sacred as the two that live it make it. It is something that has been implemented because of either religion and or government. Those are the only places that having a piece of paper matter. So I won't bore you too much with all the details. Other than one more. He asked about what he could have done differently, said I was coping out when I said nothing, cause we are different...we are not compatible. He said we had everything, we are successful, we have a house, cars, etc. I asked him to explain his version of success. He proceeded with a list of material things. After he was done, I explained that none of that matters to me, that is not my vision of success. He even said that those milestones and achievements fulfilled him. I again explained that these things do not do it for me. I brought up the feeling of running, me running still going, and that he was happy here the way things were. I asked him when he became unhappy and it was basically when I cut everything off. I said our friendship was not there anymore, like it used to be....we only talked for a short time, but it was concentrated. He too thought well this is how things go in a marriage, my thought is why? Anyhow, after it was all complete (for now) I felt deflated. I felt bad...sad. And not to be rhyming but mad too. I wanted to articulate what I was feeling, but I couldn't. It felt like it was like a dreamer that uses symbols to describe something talking with someone very practical and factual. My thoughts would not come to me in words. I just envision I am running while he is sitting in the lawn chair waiting. I don't know exactly where I am going yet, but I can and am willing to leave it all behind. I feel like there is more, and he doesn't grasp that. He wanted something tangible, something that could be measured. My measurement is fulfillment and joy. How do you explain that? How do I let him know that he is a great man, he is all that anyone could want, but he is not for me. I thought of something yesterday...perhaps why I have felt this way for so long. I feel like I have invested a lot of my effort trying to make the relationship work, and searching for myself in the mean time, and that perhaps I have polluted or drained the nutrients out of the relationship.