Alone

I feel like trash. So alone. So mean and ungrateful. So unhappy and miserable. I feel you fading. I hate the way I sound, like a lunatic. Clingy and a mess. I suppose the shock of it all is that, I REALLY didn't see this coming. Now I sit and write in this blog as if you are reading it, as if someone wants to read it. I feel the self pity surrounding me, suffocating me. I sit and wonder what did I do to myself. I just thought for a moment that maybe I should try to get orders somewhere else. I need to be around family, people who love me, cause I sure feel low right now. What am I good for, what am I good at. I hate this roller coaster ride of emotions. I was ok before you came along, I was going to make it work. I was going to make it. Now I feel like I have slammed into a wall and I cannot get help. I deserve no help. Who is going to listen to me? Who is going to care? I write here to you cause I cannot write anywhere else, even though I want so badly to be heard, I know my words just drift into nothingness.