Broken Parts

The feeling of your embrace, the smell of you, the sight of you is relentless. I never thought I could give myself up so much that I would still be hanging on like this. I still see the twinkle in your eyes, those clear sky eyes. The handsome charm in your smile. The size of you surrounding me still makes my skin tingle and the air from my lungs escapes me with a sigh of absolute comfort. I still cannot believe how safe I felt with you. Nuzzling your neck, holding your face in my hands. You still have me mind, body and soul. Physically I have never reacted with anyone else the way I did with you. I have never been so turned on, or been so sickly. I have never had my heart feel so physically broken. It still scares me how close I probably was to loosing everything. I lost you, and before that I was willing to let everything else go. I knew and still know I will survive, my career, although there has been a tremendous amount invested, was not, is not who I am. It doesn't understand me. It doesn't make me feel safe and loved. It doesn't hug me and wipe away my tears when my heart is shattered to pieces on the floor. Tears still come so easily, as if it was yesterday. It is like my body was physically dependent. When I found out that you were completely out of my life, I couldn't breath. The tears and my lungs were fighting for expression. My heart stopped beating. Somewhere down the line I felt a release. And the tears were now under my control, my mind could push them away and make them wait for their turn. Slowly I feel my lungs regaining strength and purpose. They are more patient than the tears, they are the cynical side, they persist for survival. But my heart, my heart is determined and steadfast in its belief that it must hold on to you. My heart teases and provkes my tears, trying to express it self. My heart feels the scar tissue and keeps fighting back remembering the life it was given by you. It is young and naieve, like a child that fights sleep. My mind, the wiser one of the group cradles them all as a mother, realizing that it all must be expressed and yet controlled. This is life, and my mind reminds me that I once believed that there is someone for everyone and at various times in our lives. That time with you has come and gone, that I should cherish what was and be thankful for the sweetest gift that life can give. Love.